expectations..

expectations..

the world has standards for everyone in the world, but when you think about it.. in who's right mind does the world get to decide what i get to do with my life? last i knew, christians were not apart of this world. not suppose to be anyways.

if you were to look in the mirror, would you see a beautiful girl? a hansom boy? or someone you think is ugly? today was one of the first times i've spent with my younger brother in a few months, & it's funny because i wasn't even going to write anything close to what i'm about to say.

a couple months back, my brother got me & my cousin into some trouble. you know what i realized? honestly.. my life is my own but it's my choice to give it to Christ who will use it for others. i've always known this but at the same time, i never really realized what i've been called to do until that moment.

age 12, i knew what i was suppose to be. a youth pastor& a worship pastor, which i do think go hand in hand. but that is beyond weird for me.. but at the same time it's because it's exactly what i want to do with my life. when i think about the future a head of me, i don't further than 2years. you know why? because i'm not even promised the next sentence. there have been those times when i've thought about what my life could be like when i'm 40years old. even that is young.. but none the less. i could see myself ministering to those around me & i could see me doing it for the rest of my life. when i look in the mirror & i have an ugly moment.. it's because i see the things i don't like in myself. i can pin point the absolute person that i've known to be in me who is hiding. but my life came with a set a blueprints just like you. the expectations in my life are not of the world though. but i made my life to be more about the people in it.

no matter the cost i have always put people before me, i've always been the one to put my life on the back burner. i was actually called two years ago to leave. to go to a school far away from home because God knows i grow when i am as far away from home as i can be. it's a challenge that i've always just passed with no problem. the same year i was called to be a youth pastor was the same year my dad took my brother & i to ohio without telling anyone. i found myself scared beyond belief because i had no idea where this so called "father" of mine was taking me & my brother. but we just went with because he was dad & we really had no choice. he told us he was taking us home & then we found ourselves in a van for about 10hours. when we got to ohio, it was like i was living in a nightmare. i was molested the first day i was there. then i was locked out of the house when there was a thunder storm but this one was abnormal because of the heat. while i was outside the tornado sirens starting going off. so.. i had to punch in the window, & i had 15 pieces of glass inside my hand for two days because my step mom wouldn't let me go to the hospital. now my life may not sound like it's got a set of blueprints but all of the things that happened in all the time of me being there was life changing. i had to learn to lean on God in a whole new way. i didn't know where i was, who i was with, why i was going through everything, &  i didn't even have contact with my family for about 3weeks. so needless to say, i was basically pushed off a waterfall & hoping for the best.

now, my younger brother has gone through a world of hurt. he thinks he's alone because of the things that have happened to him. he doesn't understand his blueprints. either that or he just refuses to see them. i love him with all my heart, the moment i stop caring about him is the moment i'm not here. i really wish that he could just learn to understand what his life really means, instead of what he wants it to mean. making a name for yourself has never been your job or your choice. you were born with your name & born with a reputation & a whole world of expectations. but that doesn't mean that you are to be apart of the worlds expectations. make the world want to exceed yours.

Until then,
Sea it's the REAL Me